


Hardness of Goodbyes

by anysin



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bedside Vigils, Character Death, Hospitals, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-24 20:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22224310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anysin/pseuds/anysin
Summary: Martin's mother is dying at the hospital. Peter comes to see him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Peter Lukas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Hardness of Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> For "Bedside Vigil" prompt of Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Mum is dying, and Martin isn't by her bedside.

Instead, he sits right outside her hospital room. A little off to the side, on the far edge of the bench so she doesn't see him whenever the door opens. (He knows now what she thinks of the sight of his face.) He can't stop wringing his hands, can't help hopeful glances upward whenever a nurse comes or goes, wondering if Mum is going to call him in. It doesn't seem to matter how many hours pass; the hope remains there, clutching his chest every time someone passes him by.

Mum doesn't call him in.

It's late in the afternoon when someone sits down next to him.

"Martin," Peter Lukas says.

In a way, nothing about this is surprising. Not the casual tone of Peter's voice, nor the audacity of him being there, acting as if he cares- yet Martin has to turn and stare at him, in silent surprise. Peter just smiles to him, unbothered; Martin has to look away after a while, turning his eyes to his knees.

"I can't believe you're here, Mr. Lukas," he says.

Peter laughs softly. "Well, you are my employee, Martin. I wanted to come check on you, see how you were doing." Peter falls silent, then shrugs hard enough for Martin to feel it beside him. "Perhaps the answer was obvious, though."

"Yeah, it was." Martin wishes there was more venom in his voice, but he's too drained for it. He leans back in the bench instead, closing his eyes and hoping that Peter will take it as his cue to leave.

Peter doesn't.

They sit there in silence for a while, with Martin eventually opening his eyes and staring at the door of his mother's room again. It's been closed for a long time now; part of him really wants to knock it, ask Mum if it's okay to come in, but he fights that urge down. He knows this is what she really wants: to die all on her own, free at last. Free of him.

He closes his eyes tight, but it doesn't keep the tears from coming.

Peter's hand is cold as he brushes the back of it down Martin's cheek, but the iciness of the touch is not why Martin gasps. It's that he's being touched at all; he can't remember the last time anyone reached out for him, last time he felt the brush of skin against his own. He leans into the touch, chasing after it when Peter starts to pull his hand away; his reaction makes Peter cup his face with a full, calloused palm, stroking the curve of his cheek with his thumb.

Martin opens his eyes and finds Peter's face close to his own.

"It doesn't have to be bad, a lonely death," Peter says in a soft, rough voice. "I must admit, it's something I hope to experience myself one day. It can be a blessing, to be utterly alone with yourself."

Peter leans in, pressing his lips against Martin's forehead. They're as cold as his hands are, but also solid and real. That's why Martin doesn't pull away from his touch, even though his words bring him no comfort.

"I suppose so," he says, because Peter's words are true enough. He is sure his mother doesn't mind dying alone at all, when the only other option is to die with Martin by her side. "I just-"

He closes his mouth. He knows it's no use to explain.

"I know," Peter says, although he doesn't. He tilts Martin's face upward so he can peck him on the lips, letting his fingers trail against Martin's cheek for a little while longer before pulling away from his personal space altogether. 

"Just know that this is enough."

But when Peter gets up and leaves, Martin feels like nothing is enough.


End file.
